Letter from a young Polish girl

This is a letter written by a young Polish girl about her experience as an LGBT + community in the school environment.

The message below was coded according to the author’s name (author’s name and residence changed). The letter tells the story of a teenage girl who wanted to be herself and have the right to be who she is. The letter discusses his experiences at school, where we all spend much of our lives as young people. School was a place where the author experienced understanding as well as discrimination and homophobia. She shares memories of teachers, friends, other students and their parents, as well as other adults. The author also refers to the media, pointing to the existence of direct and indirect discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation.

Task: Analyze and discuss whether young people in the Estonian LGBD + community face similar problems. Why are the problems similar and how to solve them?

I’m Eva. I’m from Poland. I have always been different from girls in my neighbourhood. In preschool, I was disliked both by children and teachers. My mom recalls that I used to ask a lot of questions – not ordinary ones but problematic and philosophical. Later, at school, when all of my female classmates were falling in love with the most handsome boy in our class, I was wondering what they saw in him. I didn’t realise then what challenges I would have to face in the future and the malicious psychological abuse the school had in store for me…

In middle school, “emancipated” and “conservative” groups began to form. We belonged to those emancipated – criticising the compulsory attendance on biased religion lessons and the failure to ensure our students’ rights, and defending minority rights, including LGBT rights. The majority of my classmates were conservative. Looking back, I can see that in fact, they didn’t have their own opinions, imitating the way of thinking of the majority and fitting into roles prepared for them by the system…

During my frequent arguments about human rights- rights they didn’t accept – I thought I could not – under no circumstances – admit that I was a lesbian, it had to remain a secret.

However, a small town in southern Poland is not a big city. Once on a shopping trip in the capital city I bought a rainbow-coloured backpack. I took it to school and that’s how everything started. The suspicions, the suggestions that if I “defend them” and I defend “their rights”, if I walk around with a rainbow – I’m like them, I’m one of them. I became recognised and hated. I was laughed at, isolated, I had hints dropped at and fingers pointed at me…

Of course, my crowd stood up for me. But…what can the minority do at school? In my school, the minority could do absolutely nothing…and so I faced homophobia, exclusion, discrimination and …violence in the school environment. When walking down the corridor, I felt like a leper. I started to wear earphones, turning up the volume to cut off the voices. I couldn’t wait to graduate to escape and move to a secondary school in a city…Days were passing by slowly…

Soon more and more people in my town knew, while I was hiding all Facebook posts, text messages and notes stuck to my backpack from my parents, grandmother and older brother. My friends were trying to support me. As a result they too faced hate speech…

My parents, grandmother and brother couldn’t find out. This is what scared me most. A time came when everyone but them knew about my sexual orientation. I was imagining the school bell ringing with this information…When I was listening to radio news or watching media attacks on LGBT on tv, I felt even worse: trapped and embattled in a world that bans you from being different from everybody else.

This situation led me, a teenage girl full of energy, always standing up for those weaker, to become a recluse. I would hide in my room and listen to music. Every morning when leaving home, I was thinking about going to school as punishment for something wrong that I hadn’t done. My friends supported me, they tried to console, make me laugh and comfort me. But this place and the atmosphere at school, even the building made me feel sick…I wanted to run away…I was waiting for the end of the school year.

Everything changed when I was accepted to a secondary school in a big city. The city and the large school gave me freedom, anonymity and my human rights.

Today I know that through avoiding the subjects which sooner or later all students will face,  schools like mine: primary and middle schools, inflict great harm to the society. The subject of diversity (origin, sexual orientation, religion) is absent from school and through this absence turned into a taboo. This awakens the demons of hate speech and homophobia. It is impossible to talk about and understand human rights without discussing the issue of minority rights and rights of every human being. For one day it can turn out that you, he, me – we are a minority…

As I mentioned, the big city and secondary school gave me back my freedom and human rights. I have great friends, wonderful teachers. I feel free, no one insults or humiliates me. I walk the corridors of my school like other students, as we all have the right to be there. We are all evaluated for our achievements and knowledge…There are hard moments, especially now, with the pandemic around.

But images from my school past are filled with teachers and classmates from that horrible middle school. They are memories I would like to forget at any cost…But they keep returning…

When I come back to my town, I spend time at home, at my grandmother’s or at my friends’. I don’t go out alone, especially given that my town has become an “LGBT – free zone”. It’s hard to believe in the 21^st century…

So, maybe I should start writing a diary, so as not to forget anything or maybe better forget?